The wildfires raging across Los Angeles (LA)County have left devastation in their wake, from Palisades to Eaton. For parents, the challenge of navigating this tragedy extends beyond processing their own emotions—it also involves explaining the situation to their children. Kids often lack the developmental skills to fully grasp disasters like these, which is why having thoughtful, honest conversations is crucial. Here’s a guide to help you navigate these difficult discussions with your children.

1. Ground Yourself First

Before initiating any conversation, take a moment to ground yourself. Whether it’s through deep breathing, talking to a supportive friend, or listening to a calming song, make sure you’re emotionally steady. Children pick up on their parents’ emotions, so entering the conversation with a sense of calm can help reassure them.

2. Be Clear, Concise, and Concrete

When talking about the fires, use straightforward language that avoids metaphors or euphemisms. For example, instead of saying, “We lost our house,” you could say, “Our house caught fire, and we can’t live there right now.” This clarity helps children understand what has happened without adding confusion.

3. Tailor Conversations to Developmental Needs

Children of different ages process disasters differently. Here’s how you can adapt your approach:

• Young Children (Ages 3-6): Keep explanations simple and direct. Reassure them about their immediate safety and avoid overwhelming them with details.
• School-Age Children (Ages 7-12): Answer their questions honestly but in manageable doses. Encourage them to express their feelings and validate their emotions.
• Teenagers (Ages 13-18): Teens may be more aware of the broader implications of the fires, including issues like climate change. Engage them in deeper conversations and encourage them to share their perspectives.

4. Let Their Curiosity Guide the Conversation

Pay attention to your child’s cues. Are they asking questions about the fires or showing concern for those affected? If so, they’re ready to engage. If they seem disinterested, avoid forcing the conversation. Short, frequent discussions are often more effective than a single, overwhelming talk.

5. Acknowledge Their Emotions

Children may feel scared, sad, or even confused about the fires. Validate these feelings by letting them know it’s okay to feel upset. For example, you could say, “It’s really sad that people lost their homes, and it’s okay to feel that way.” Letting children know their emotions are normal can be incredibly comforting.

6. Offer Reassurance

While honesty is essential, children also need reassurance. Emphasize the efforts of firefighters, volunteers, and the community to keep people safe. Highlight any specific safety measures you’ve taken to protect your family, such as having an evacuation plan or staying updated on the latest news.

7. Provide Coping Tools

Help your child brainstorm ways to cope with their feelings. For younger kids, this could mean drawing pictures or playing with toys to express their emotions. Older children might find solace in journaling, talking to friends, or engaging in physical activities. Suggest activities that have comforted them in the past, such as reading a favorite book or visiting a familiar place.

8. Consider Professional Support

If your child continues to struggle emotionally, consider seeking help from mental health professionals. Community-based mental health services can offer long-term support and help your child process the event in a healthy way.

9. Set the Stage for Future Conversations

As climate change leads to more frequent natural disasters, it’s important to use these discussions as opportunities to build resilience. Teach your children that it’s okay to feel upset but also show them the importance of coming together as a community to help those in need.

Conclusion

Disasters like the LA fires are difficult for everyone, especially children. By approaching these conversations with honesty, empathy, and a clear plan, you can help your child process their emotions and develop the tools they need to cope with future challenges. Remember, the way you handle this moment sets the foundation for how they will face adversity in the years to come.

ALSO READ: How LA’s Palisades and Eaton Fires Compare with California’s Worst Wildfires