As children, we intuitively know our worth. We exist in the world with a sense of certainty that we are enough. We don’t question our value or wonder if we measure up. But as we grow, society begins to shape how we see ourselves. We’re told that worth is something that must be earned—something we must prove to the world and to ourselves. We begin to ask: “Am I really worthy?”
The External Chase for Worth
In a world that places so much emphasis on external achievement, it’s easy to fall into the trap of measuring our worth based on external markers: our job titles, our bank balance, the number of followers we have, or even the opinions of others. We are taught that our value is contingent on these outside factors, and so we begin a relentless pursuit of approval. We believe that when we hit certain milestones or attain certain things, then—finally—our worth will be validated. But no matter how much we achieve, something always feels missing. We feel like we’re never enough.
Social media has amplified this struggle. We compare our behind-the-scenes lives—the messy moments, our doubts, and our imperfections—to the highlight reels of others. This constant comparison deepens the feeling that we’re not enough.
Conditional vs. Genuine Self-Worth
The concept of self-worth can be broken down into two categories: contingent (or conditional) self-esteem and genuine self-esteem.
Dr. Gabor Maté introduces this distinction: contingent self-esteem is reliant on external validation—things like material success, social media approval, or others’ opinions. This kind of self-worth is fleeting. It’s subject to the ever-changing judgments of the world around us.
In contrast, genuine self-esteem is rooted within us. It’s unwavering, steady, and unaffected by outside circumstances. When we cultivate genuine self-worth, we no longer need to seek external validation. Instead, we know our value is inherent. We are worthy because we exist. This is what Dr. Maté refers to as “returning to our inherent wholeness.”
Reclaiming Your Self-Worth
Your sense of self-worth is the foundation of how you experience the world. It impacts how you feel, how you show up in relationships, and how resilient you are in the face of challenges. Reclaiming your worth is an essential step toward living a fulfilling, authentic life. You are worthy because you are. Nothing you do, achieve, or accumulate will change that fact.
Here are some practical ways to begin reclaiming your self-worth:
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Reflect on What Determines Your Worth
Take a moment to reflect on where you currently derive your sense of worth. Has it been based on your achievements, appearance, or the approval of others? When you find yourself seeking external validation, pause and ask why it matters. Remember that your worth is not dependent on these things—don’t give them more power than they deserve. -
Repair Your Inner Dialogue
We all have an inner critic that tells us we’re not enough. It shines a spotlight on our failures and mistakes, amplifying negative self-talk. Start by noticing the stories you’re telling yourself. If they are unkind, challenge them. Ask yourself: Where did this belief come from? Is it fact or just a feeling? Look for evidence that contradicts it. Reinforce a new, more supportive narrative. Instead of “I’m not good enough,” shift to “I am enough as I am, and I am always growing.” -
Know Who You Are (and Who You Are Not)
Self-awareness is crucial in reclaiming your worth. Understand your strengths, areas for growth, and what makes you uniquely you. Reflect on the labels you’ve accepted or been given over time. Do those labels still serve you? Meet them with compassion, and let go of those that no longer resonate. -
Prioritize Your Well-Being
Often, people neglect their own well-being because they don’t feel worthy of taking care of themselves. But when you truly value something, you take care of it. You don’t have to earn the right to care for yourself—you are already deserving. Commit to habits that nourish your mind, body, and spirit. -
Embrace Dual Truths
One of the most powerful realizations you can have is that you can be both a work in progress and still be deserving of love and respect. You can make mistakes and still be worthy. You can be imperfect and still be enough. Two truths can coexist, and both are valid.
Conclusion
Your worth is not something you need to chase—it’s already within you. You are enough simply because you exist. Reconnect with that truth, and hold onto it in every moment. No external achievement, approval, or possession can ever change the fact that you are worthy.
And when you need a gentle reminder: You are enough, in this moment and in the next. You have always been enough.
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